Sunday, 3 April 2011
Monday, 3 January 2011
I detest New Year...its bloody awful, I can well understand why January is a highpoint for depression and suicides. The enforced jollity or rather the outrageous drunkenness of which I used to be a part is awful. I am in a terrible mood because my computer will not do what its meant to....I was trying to burn a disc and the more I tried the more discs it spat out in defiant rejection until I was at the point where I wanted to really "Hurt" the disc drive...I wanted to rip it out and yell "Thats the last time you fuck with ME!!!" anyway i didnt but anger makes my skin extremely itchy and so I really need to get in the shower to calm down before I literally hurl the laptop out of the window.
Saturday, 23 October 2010
I am not sure what I really want to do at this point in my life, I am 37 nearly 38 years old and I am not sure if Fashion is what I want anymore, I went after it when I was still an actively drinking alcoholic pre-recovery and it nearly killed me....My heart was never truly in it, even though at the time I thought it was. The death of a loved one really makes you re-evaluate and think about what you really want. I think all Ive really ever wanted was an "easy" life whatever that is. My approach was all wrong. I didnt ever really go out and grab the world by the balls so to speak. I thought I was "brilliant" and that it would all come to me.....Half the time I thought I was brilliant the rest of the time I thought I was Dog-shit. I had a massive ego with a massive inferiority complex.
Its quite a while since I blogged here. This year has probably been the most unpleasant I have encountered in my life so far. At the moment I am immersing myself in books I find interesting...Ive just read "No Bells on Sunday" the journals of Rachel Roberts and I am just making a start on Stella Adler's "The Art of Acting" because I am harbouring a desire to act again, Ive appearred in a couple of....shall we call them "amateur" films with other friends who act. In fact I made a film earlier in the year with Mandy Sellers and Rosanne Robertson from a premise Mandy had conceived. I am also reading Bertolt Brecht and watching films that really appeal to me. Maybe it is all about trying to surround myself with ideas and people I feel an affinity for.